We all have demons- things that we don't like to talk about with others or even admit to ourselves. We have challenges in life that don't bring out our best selves & often relationships that suffer because of it. I know this way too well.
My whole life I have suffered from, at times, debilitating anxiety- the kind that makes my head spin & my heart palpitate so loud that I can hear it pulsating in my ears. The kind that makes my behavior erratic & literally takes me out of my own body. The kind that makes me stay home & miss out on social gatherings with people I love being with. The kind that has me arguing with the people who love & support me the most & quite honestly; the kind that turns me into a person I very much do no like & am embarrassed to be.
As a kid I had a massive meltdowns over the smallest set back or change of plans. As a teenager I became a HUGE control freak in order to eliminate anything going "wrong" in life & as a young adult I shut out anyone & every situation that would cause me more stress & anxiety-So Sad, right?
As an adult, in my forties, I have made a promise to myself, & more importantly those who I love & love me that I will face my demons. That I will get help, be healthy & work on myself. That I will do the work to get to the root of the problem & face it head on. That I will ask for help & whatever I else I need & not assume that people know what I need or try to do everything on my own to the point of being a crazy, overworked person who is unpleasant to be around. I will rest & find happiness in the joys of life. These are ALL very difficult for me; as they may be for you. It is a difficult uphill journey; one that I have to remind myself to fight daily. Through this process I must also be patient with myself & give myself grace- I will make mistakes. I will have setbacks. I will disappoint myself & others; however, as long as I continue to move forward and take one day at a time- one moment at a time I will find my happiness. I will find my freedom & I will be my authentic self.
If you suffer from any type of mental health disorder please find the strength to speak to someone & ask for help. For me admitting that I was in need was the most difficult step- Know that there are individuals that are trained to help you - without judgement. The best thing that you can do for your family is to be the best version of yourself.
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